turned about in the mists of the mind
Well, a lot has happened since my last post....
Winter camp was great. Hours of winter fun were had, some walls were cracked and crumbled (in a good way), and then i got sick.
Which seriously sucked.
Anyways, tory's birthday was great. We went over to lemon grass, and ate very well. I am now in love with rice pudding...mmm...
I was sick for valentines day. So i don't actually know if i was wearing red or not (though i have a hunch i wasn't). I was apparently hallucinating. Badly. .It was the first time I've had a fever so high that caused me to do such a thing. I was going on and on about poor eyor, and how i was happy i wasn't him because he was a donkey, and i didn't want to be a donkey. And he had his tail nailed on, much must hurt. No wonder he was depressed. But it really sucked to be him because he had no digestive tract, and couldn't take anti-depressants because his body couldn't process them. Or something along those lines. Gibberish i was told. It seems i also had a break down when i got locked out of my room and i when i called for help, i sounded like a four year old. Whether or not i am meant to believe all of this, i don't know. But hey, knowing me, probably.
Missed out on valentines day. Which i didn't really miss to tell you the truth. I don't have any one special who i'm with, and the holiday leans towards couples. I also don't have an amazing batting average for the day, and aside from not getting to hand out my childish valentines to friends, i don't really feel like i missed out on too much.
Aya is not longer attending our school. I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, i only really saw her when she was looking for blair, or occasionally during spare. Usually, she hung out with her boyfriend, or skipped, and so i didn't see too much of her anyways. But there was a comfort in knowing that she was there. Its kind of hard to explain, but when you don't see someone, but you know that their there,, its a comfort. And now, i probably wont get to see her in the halls, or be able to sneak up on her to give her surprise attack hugs...I've lost my announcement buddy...fuck man, i crying...
Me and nick, my older brother who came home for the last few days and i have been thrilled to see, were playing a new video game. While, nick was playing and i was watching, as so often is the case. Anyways, this game is frigging scary. We had it going in our basement, and for effect, we shut the lights off. Anyways, so eerie. And then jazzy began scratching at the door, and giving us both near heart-attacks. So, we let her in and her purring, instead of adding a sense of love and such to the environment, made it sound like we were being perused by a haunted motor. I am now creped out by some laughters. The kind originally thought sweet and innocent. But thats what you get for participating in some form of media.
We have the week off, sometimes called suicide week. This is the make it or break it point for some kids. Anywho, i happen to be working two days this week, each day followed by a tutor session (i kinda understand why its called suicide week). Anywho, went to the Chinese new year festival with nat and my mom, and saw some plywood boards fly off a tall building. Which was something that hasn't occurred at the even before. I also picked up a cute little baggie. So, it was a good day and i got to spend it with a good friend.
The night before actually, the Saturday i guess it was , we were working on a bio project, and hyped up on sugar and anime, got kinda wild. Blair was online, and so we began to talk to her, and then we started to argue, and things just went, well, wild. It was interesting and amazingly, fun. Not being with nat, which is always a hoot, but being wild. It was...thrilling. And its been so damn long since i've felt that way...you don't always realize that you miss something until you experience it again, even if it is only a small taste.
i turn 18 in 4 months...its a daunting idea. but at the same time, its a small step in life. I think aya was on to something when she said that 16 was bigger then 18. When your 18, you obtain a form of freedom. When your 16, you obtain a purpose, an idea of who you are and who you could become.
life twists and turns, and in the muck that is created, it our lives. Some despaired, and allow themselves to sink to the bottom, trampled by others. Some struggle, pulling others down around them, and try to claw to the top of the pile. Some watch from above, occasionally offering a hand to those trapped below. And yet, how many truly care? For some reason, this is how i;ve been feeling. I don't know which group i belong to. I don't know where i belong. Which road to take, in the woods. DO i follow the high road, the low, take both, or neither, or turn around the way i came. Scratch that last one. Push forwards. Where ever it takes you, push forwards.
I need a change. I think i can finally understand why blair craves change. Before, i think i understood the concept, the urge, but not the need. I understand, in my own way, the need. And now, i must find someway to do so. To change, and satisfy the need, and have it settle to the low mummer it was before.
Life is a fickle thing.
"In a seas of people, i am alone. "
In an empty room, one is a lone. In a sea of people, one is drowning.
Dream. Its sometimes the only thing we can do...
Winter camp was great. Hours of winter fun were had, some walls were cracked and crumbled (in a good way), and then i got sick.
Which seriously sucked.
Anyways, tory's birthday was great. We went over to lemon grass, and ate very well. I am now in love with rice pudding...mmm...
I was sick for valentines day. So i don't actually know if i was wearing red or not (though i have a hunch i wasn't). I was apparently hallucinating. Badly. .It was the first time I've had a fever so high that caused me to do such a thing. I was going on and on about poor eyor, and how i was happy i wasn't him because he was a donkey, and i didn't want to be a donkey. And he had his tail nailed on, much must hurt. No wonder he was depressed. But it really sucked to be him because he had no digestive tract, and couldn't take anti-depressants because his body couldn't process them. Or something along those lines. Gibberish i was told. It seems i also had a break down when i got locked out of my room and i when i called for help, i sounded like a four year old. Whether or not i am meant to believe all of this, i don't know. But hey, knowing me, probably.
Missed out on valentines day. Which i didn't really miss to tell you the truth. I don't have any one special who i'm with, and the holiday leans towards couples. I also don't have an amazing batting average for the day, and aside from not getting to hand out my childish valentines to friends, i don't really feel like i missed out on too much.
Aya is not longer attending our school. I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, i only really saw her when she was looking for blair, or occasionally during spare. Usually, she hung out with her boyfriend, or skipped, and so i didn't see too much of her anyways. But there was a comfort in knowing that she was there. Its kind of hard to explain, but when you don't see someone, but you know that their there,, its a comfort. And now, i probably wont get to see her in the halls, or be able to sneak up on her to give her surprise attack hugs...I've lost my announcement buddy...fuck man, i crying...
Me and nick, my older brother who came home for the last few days and i have been thrilled to see, were playing a new video game. While, nick was playing and i was watching, as so often is the case. Anyways, this game is frigging scary. We had it going in our basement, and for effect, we shut the lights off. Anyways, so eerie. And then jazzy began scratching at the door, and giving us both near heart-attacks. So, we let her in and her purring, instead of adding a sense of love and such to the environment, made it sound like we were being perused by a haunted motor. I am now creped out by some laughters. The kind originally thought sweet and innocent. But thats what you get for participating in some form of media.
We have the week off, sometimes called suicide week. This is the make it or break it point for some kids. Anywho, i happen to be working two days this week, each day followed by a tutor session (i kinda understand why its called suicide week). Anywho, went to the Chinese new year festival with nat and my mom, and saw some plywood boards fly off a tall building. Which was something that hasn't occurred at the even before. I also picked up a cute little baggie. So, it was a good day and i got to spend it with a good friend.
The night before actually, the Saturday i guess it was , we were working on a bio project, and hyped up on sugar and anime, got kinda wild. Blair was online, and so we began to talk to her, and then we started to argue, and things just went, well, wild. It was interesting and amazingly, fun. Not being with nat, which is always a hoot, but being wild. It was...thrilling. And its been so damn long since i've felt that way...you don't always realize that you miss something until you experience it again, even if it is only a small taste.
i turn 18 in 4 months...its a daunting idea. but at the same time, its a small step in life. I think aya was on to something when she said that 16 was bigger then 18. When your 18, you obtain a form of freedom. When your 16, you obtain a purpose, an idea of who you are and who you could become.
life twists and turns, and in the muck that is created, it our lives. Some despaired, and allow themselves to sink to the bottom, trampled by others. Some struggle, pulling others down around them, and try to claw to the top of the pile. Some watch from above, occasionally offering a hand to those trapped below. And yet, how many truly care? For some reason, this is how i;ve been feeling. I don't know which group i belong to. I don't know where i belong. Which road to take, in the woods. DO i follow the high road, the low, take both, or neither, or turn around the way i came. Scratch that last one. Push forwards. Where ever it takes you, push forwards.
I need a change. I think i can finally understand why blair craves change. Before, i think i understood the concept, the urge, but not the need. I understand, in my own way, the need. And now, i must find someway to do so. To change, and satisfy the need, and have it settle to the low mummer it was before.
Life is a fickle thing.
"In a seas of people, i am alone. "
In an empty room, one is a lone. In a sea of people, one is drowning.
Dream. Its sometimes the only thing we can do...
posted by dragon's voice at 8:07 PM
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