school sucks
Well, today was the first bloody day of school. Good thing about school: seeing buds and such.Bad thing: everything F***ING ELSE (THIS blog has beeen sensored, heh heh, not!!).
First, i had art with tory, yay, but then guidence switched her out, boo. Ok, i can handle. I have an awesome social class, and a band class i like. Dunno about bio, but its not the courses thats getting to me. Its the people. Back, headfirst, into the 'rich kid school' , where the little whores that make the main population try to become the mopst popular. By getting the newest shit, having the most money, throwing the bigget parties, being the meanest, having the most friends, doing all the back stabbing that they can while smiling. It makes me sick. I have gone to preshcool with some of these bitches.
I sometimes really hate spingbank. I wouldn't change schools. i love my friends, and i just block the bitches out for the most part. But after a whole summer dealing with only a few, instead of a swarming mass of the croonies, its just getting on my nerves. ANd some of my friends are different. I knew they would be, as no one is ever exactly the same, but inside i harbour this secret fear of being abandon by them all one year after summer, like i have been before. I guess thats why it takes me alot to trust someone, but when i do, i am insane with that trust. I have a few really good friends of mine that i am pretty sure, even 10 yrs from now, if we dont stay in touch that if i call and need help, they'll provide it. Few though, not all. Whichis sad, to me anyways. Some people i know who will catch me, even brush off my knees and help me along if they miss, i keep close to my heart. Cept those friends are far apart, and i only have one class with on (sniff, blair + becs in social has been broken).
I am loyal to a fault and an idealist. So sue me.
I hold grudges too. I am human, after all, full of faults, but thats one i don't particualry like about myself. I don't spread rumers, back stab or any of that jazz, but there are a few things that just seem to cling to me, and grudegs are one. Especiallys grudges against myself. Like if a friends gets hurt, and i either :
a) had something to do with it, knowing or not
b) not being able to protect a friend.
I know its dumb, but thats what i do. And when a friend is hurt, i feel responisible. I failed my mother, my father, my brothers and sister, my dog, and i'll be damned if i fail my friends. But i do, regularly, and i know that i am forgiven, an incident in grade 7/8 makes me feel like the lowest level of shit, and even now, one of my friends is torn, and theres nothing i can do. WE can still go boy hunting later, but theres nothing i can do to ease her pain. ANd that, more then anything, hurts me. It hurts me more then getting told no on vals day, then any physical pain i've experenced. I guess its because i'm so damn protective. And i haven't exactly done the best with my life, and haven't been the kindest. Oh well. NO one understands anyways...
Sometimes people get under my skin. (totally new topic from above). SOme friends do that to me too. In schoool ,some aer always talking and talking and talking (blair knows who i am refering to about this) and no matter what you want they wont shut up. if i am annoying smeone, i want them to tell me, or to tell me to shut up, anything. When ppl do it to me, it annoys the hell out of me that i almost act upon my thoughts. I don;t want to be that way to other ppl . I mean, not a door mat or anything, but at least curtious to ppl.
But anyways, pam is kicking me off. byebye
First, i had art with tory, yay, but then guidence switched her out, boo. Ok, i can handle. I have an awesome social class, and a band class i like. Dunno about bio, but its not the courses thats getting to me. Its the people. Back, headfirst, into the 'rich kid school' , where the little whores that make the main population try to become the mopst popular. By getting the newest shit, having the most money, throwing the bigget parties, being the meanest, having the most friends, doing all the back stabbing that they can while smiling. It makes me sick. I have gone to preshcool with some of these bitches.
I sometimes really hate spingbank. I wouldn't change schools. i love my friends, and i just block the bitches out for the most part. But after a whole summer dealing with only a few, instead of a swarming mass of the croonies, its just getting on my nerves. ANd some of my friends are different. I knew they would be, as no one is ever exactly the same, but inside i harbour this secret fear of being abandon by them all one year after summer, like i have been before. I guess thats why it takes me alot to trust someone, but when i do, i am insane with that trust. I have a few really good friends of mine that i am pretty sure, even 10 yrs from now, if we dont stay in touch that if i call and need help, they'll provide it. Few though, not all. Whichis sad, to me anyways. Some people i know who will catch me, even brush off my knees and help me along if they miss, i keep close to my heart. Cept those friends are far apart, and i only have one class with on (sniff, blair + becs in social has been broken).
I am loyal to a fault and an idealist. So sue me.
I hold grudges too. I am human, after all, full of faults, but thats one i don't particualry like about myself. I don't spread rumers, back stab or any of that jazz, but there are a few things that just seem to cling to me, and grudegs are one. Especiallys grudges against myself. Like if a friends gets hurt, and i either :
a) had something to do with it, knowing or not
b) not being able to protect a friend.
I know its dumb, but thats what i do. And when a friend is hurt, i feel responisible. I failed my mother, my father, my brothers and sister, my dog, and i'll be damned if i fail my friends. But i do, regularly, and i know that i am forgiven, an incident in grade 7/8 makes me feel like the lowest level of shit, and even now, one of my friends is torn, and theres nothing i can do. WE can still go boy hunting later, but theres nothing i can do to ease her pain. ANd that, more then anything, hurts me. It hurts me more then getting told no on vals day, then any physical pain i've experenced. I guess its because i'm so damn protective. And i haven't exactly done the best with my life, and haven't been the kindest. Oh well. NO one understands anyways...
Sometimes people get under my skin. (totally new topic from above). SOme friends do that to me too. In schoool ,some aer always talking and talking and talking (blair knows who i am refering to about this) and no matter what you want they wont shut up. if i am annoying smeone, i want them to tell me, or to tell me to shut up, anything. When ppl do it to me, it annoys the hell out of me that i almost act upon my thoughts. I don;t want to be that way to other ppl . I mean, not a door mat or anything, but at least curtious to ppl.
But anyways, pam is kicking me off. byebye
posted by dragon's voice at 2:48 PM
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